Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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