I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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