she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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