not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
