The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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