Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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