I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
