"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
