I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
