i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
