I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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