Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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