he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
