Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
