i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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