Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
