Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
