8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
