just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
