There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They took my balls.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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