Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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