this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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