I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
