Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Less talking, more tequila
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
