Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
