So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
