Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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