Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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