I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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