i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my liver is dry heaving
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
