I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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