Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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