I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
