Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
