Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize