Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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