We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
