no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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