hotel room ftw
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
