but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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