Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
