Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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