You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
