She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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