Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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