Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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