Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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