Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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