If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
