Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
