You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
