so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
