oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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