yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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