When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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