Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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