All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
