Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
