I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Boobs speak an international language.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
