Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
