she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
