I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
