ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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