How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
