last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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