apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
