i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Farmville is her only friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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