dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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