Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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